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Lakewood, OH, moments ago.
A massive earthquake just hit Cleveland! At first I thought it was just the normal vibration befitting the nation's fattest city, but it seems those jerks in Canada have fired their first underground warning shot.
Hmm... and at the same time in the news, it seems the oil gusher in the gulf just got about 8 billion times worse - could it be possible that the earth is collapsing on itself, like a heroin-addict's veins? I hope not, because that would totally ruin my vacation.
What say you, Earthquake?
"Hugs not drugs!"
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You're vacationing in Lakewood??
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