So the new fun thing to panic about is "swine flu". My work sent out a detailed guide on what to do, Drudge is lit up like a Christmas tree, I actually saw a FoxNews anchor's head explode.

Let's all think back to the other panics we've had! There's so many to choose!
- SARS
- Bird flu
- Killer bees
- Running out of flu vaccine
- Ebola


I'm sure I'm missing more. Hooray for media-induced panic! This is like a god-send for them. Now we can ignore the economy and talk about something cool like death and Mexicans.

I hate how sometimes you really really have to poop (like me this morning), but you can't, so you hold it for a long time... and then suddenly, you don't have to go anymore. Sometimes I'll do this and I won't poop for like a day. Where does the poop go? Do I have a backup container in my gut that holds everything until further evacuations?

This Yahoo Answers column claims that poop will come out of my nose and mouth if I hold too long! Thanks, Yahoo Answers, always there to help.

Liam had a fever of 104.3 yesterday! So we kept him home and made him wear a cold washcloth on his head. The new summer fashion? Yep. His fever's better today, but daycare says I gotta keep him home. Party time!


Yes, later on he was eating Butt Paste.

KeyCorp lost half a billion bucks last quarter. Yeah, big deal. BUT, it's the language of the CEO that worries me. After slashing the dividend to 1 cent, he used the dreaded "We are well capitalized" line.

This was the same line used by all the big banks that got swallowed up last fall. I think it's a secret code for "come and buy us! Please!"

Not that Key would just go away. They'd just merge with another bank. But who? We'll see.

But you heard it here first :)

FATTIES CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING
That's the actual headline! I love the British press.

Ugh, I also am a little disturbed by all the fat people everywhere. And not even just overweight, like me, but like seriously disgustingly fat. I just don't see how someone can get above, say, 300 pounds and not think "Hmm, maybe I should do something about this".


WHY is this woman wearing shorts? We should just kill the very-obese and use them for fuel.

***

Ooh, I give blood today!

George Takei turns a big gay 72 today!



Hmm, it's also Hitler's birthday, who hits the big 1-2-0! Nice going, Adolf.


"I can't blow out all zie candles!"

More on this day!


Yes, this is a lazy blog post.

Irritating: "Tea parties"

Funny: Anchors using the word "Teabagging"

Stupid: FoxNews up in arms over it... and also writing an article explaining what "teabagging" is.


Let's hope "Roman helmet" appears in the news next!

Cleveland banned texting while driving
This law makes sense, as most people can barely drive while driving, let alone texting. But it should not be so specific. It should just ban idiot drivers altogether. To me, this has the faint aroma of old(er) people being afraid of something they don't understand.

I don't see how this can be enforced it as most texts are done in your lap or on the seat.

Why not just invent a speech-to-text mechanism on phones?

Furthermore, due to the heft of the fines, you'd better make sure all of your texts are worth it. It would suck to pay $500 just to say "LOL" or "I LUV BEST BUY ASS"

***

Eek! Texas is pissed!

Easter was good times. We had Meade family dinner at Renee's house, which is good because it is really close to the Kumor house, so splitting time between the two fams wasn't interrupted with 2 hours of driving.

I got my favorite food in the world, Malley's peanut butter chocolate eggs MMMMMMMMMMMMM, I swear they make these things inside Hilary Duff's underwear - they're just the best thing ever.

***

Saturday was a family birthday party. Good times. Liam seemed to have fun, he at least got to wear a big gay cowboy hat.



***

Friday, jenny o hennessey was great enough to offer me two tix to the Tribe home opener. I said, eh, why not. On the way there, I gave the other ticket to some random guy who was standing outside Progressive Field. His name was Dan and he was nice. The weather sucked, but luckily the seats were under an overhang! No rain for ME.



Unfortunately, there was a rain delay (turns out it was for 4 hours). After about 20 minutes of it and no let up in sight, everybody darted for the exit. Well, due to some new "additions" to the park, there was only one way to get out of the park. And with 40,000 people all crammed into one hallway, things got hairy.



I was stuffed into this human sausage for about 45 minutes. Of course, fights started breaking out, kids were crying, it was just awful. Eventually we broke free and headed out into the wild, grey Cleveland evening.

Go Tribe!