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F Snow

1/30/2009 12:00:00 AM

Of the 348 muscles in my back, I've pulled 347 of them shoveling snow in the last two days. Also, growing off my house are two icicles that are about 25 feet high - roof to ground. I hope they don't pull my roof down.

Yes! Sharks are taking over Florida! Although the tastiest humans are up in North Carolina.

"Alan Cumming says Obama has a big wang"
Headline of the year?

The most dangerous city on Earth

1/27/2009 12:00:00 AM

This is cool, and a perfect example of how technology can be used to do something awesome - Cleveland Police now has a crime map that is (supposedly) updated within 24 hours of a crime. Now THAT's cool. Another cool thing is that there has not been one crime in my neighborhood in a week.

This is neat because now I can plan my jogging routes accordingly. Hmm, apparently I should avoid the entire east side; The map looks like a Lite-Brite over there!





Layer III

1/26/2009 12:00:00 AM

I am starting on an ambitious quest to streamline my music collection. Currently there are 40,032 songs stored on my hard drive. That's 2666 hours, which is about 111 days, which is almost 16 weeks of music.

I'll bet I've only heard 50% of the music, and songs I've heard more than once is probably in the 25% range. So I'm gonna cut out the fluff. That means you're on watch, Jason Mraz.


"Huh?"

Do I really need the entire Britney Spears discography? Nah. Cannibal Corpse? I might keep "Hammer-smashed Face", but if you just put that on repeat and told me it was 10 different songs, I'd believe you. Ha - I have 18 copies of Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy"... wait, not anymore. I now have 0. I love this game!

Jump in the Line

1/25/2009 12:00:00 AM

Shop Mmart, Shop M-Mart

1/23/2009 12:00:00 AM



***

It seems the Cleveland Medical Mart will finally be built. Now, I hate to rain on Cleveland's parade, but I'm pretty sure the public is confused as to what a Medical Mart actually does for the city. All I can figure out is companies will come and show off their new medicine and stuff. Yay? So now when visitors come, I can say "Did you check the Rock Hall out? Did you try the new cherry-flavored Paxil from the Med Mart?"

Also, the location they chose was dumb, right over by city hall. Right on Public Square is about 8 billion feet of empty office space, that would've been perfect, then you could start to build more restaurants and stores over there. Instead, it's in the barren wasteland known as Lakeside and E.6th.

Oh well, gotta stay optimistic, right? Here's hoping that this is the world's sexiest Medical Mart. Well, until Chicago and New York build one.

***

Last night I went to see the U.S. Figure Skating Championships. It was interesting, I guess. With no commentary and very boring classical music for each routine, it was basically a snooze-fest. Luckily I was in a suite that had free beer.

They also had a plate that had jalapenos on it, and my brilliant ass ate like 30 of them. The consequences were dire, I had to stop twice this morning on the way to work to poop. I think the final one did the trick, as my stomach feels somewhat normal now... but I think the coffee I'm drinking will change all that.

Barack Around the Clock

1/21/2009 12:00:00 AM

I like to save newspapers from recent historic moments, because I think my kids will think it's neat 50 years from now to read about how the world was, way back in the early 21st Century. I have a whole crate of 9/11 stuff, some stuff from the 2000 election, the 2004 election, and the 2008 election.

I bought both The Plain Dealer and USA Today, but I'm not sure which one I want to preserve. Both? Perhaps. It's fun to think that in 2040, Liam will open up the paper and see how last night's American Idol was. Actually, he might be more amazed that we used to get our news from something called "newspaper".

***

For anyone interested, I made the BarackClock:



You can add it to your own site if you wish, the code is here: BarackClock!

Ha, there were a ton of Bush countdown sites, and you can see who the inattentive coders were by looking at how many are broken now - Check for 0, people!

Broken
Still thinks there's another day
This one got it right!

O Day

1/20/2009 12:00:00 AM



Greetings to our new President! I didn't know he grew his hair out.

In a symbolic gesture to celebrate the start of the New Democratic Empire, I will be giving blood today to the Red Cross.

Also, Gran Torino may be the best movie I've ever seen. It knocks "Nurses of the Dade County Medical Ward" right out of my top 3. I give it my highest rating, 7 thumbs up.

1

1/19/2009 12:00:00 AM



It was one year ago today when I said so-long to my days as a swingin' bachelor and said hello to my new life as a swingin' husband.

This may have been the fastest year of my life. Oh well, thanks Becky for being the best wife i've ever had :)

Being married has been interesting. The first year was not as scary as people led me to believe. Sure, there were a few fights, some burnt furniture, and a few unexplained stains on the wall - but we came out unscathed and are now ready to march towards death together!

Creative [sic] Writing

1/17/2009 12:00:00 AM

I was browsing through some old floppy disks , and found some interesting poems and what-not from the early 90s. Keep in mind I was only 12-13 years old. I'd like to share one that disturbed me greatly.

I'll put more up here, because not only is old high-school poetry embarrassing, but sometimes funny. Unfortunately, most of it is written in WordPerfect 5, and Word 2007 will not open those files; I have to find some sort of converter.

--------------------------------
Quincy
Once I had a friend named Quincy who lived in the City.
One day, as he was coming home from his
government job, an old man came
running up to him, singing in a high voice
"Help! I was walking across town to see my
dead buddy, but my geography isn't good and
I forgot where he is!" A few minutes passed,
and for a reason I don't know, a hundred
and twenty gentlemen came and shot him.
--------------------------------

We are here to protect you

1/16/2009 12:00:00 AM

Fantastic article about robots in pop music. Strange how scientists have been trying to make robots/computers sound more human for decades, while musicians and rappers have been trying to make humans sound more like computers. Maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle?


5 dolla footloooooooong!

***

It's f'ing cold outside, if you haven't noticed. For all my Hawaiian readers, imagine it's 68 degrees out. Brrrr!

Some huge piece of plastic on the soft black underbelly of my car cracked off and is attached by only one sliver of plastic. I am tempted to rip it off, but I don't know the long-term effect of that. And since it was about -14 this morning (I wish that was exaggeration), I was under my car just pounding on the damn thing until it got wedged between some other parts... so it's fixed, for now. I'd make a sweet-ass mechanic.

UPDATE! Apparently that piece of plastic is called the splash shield, and is used to stop shit from kicking up into the engine. Suggestions are just to make it stay in there somehow, either using duct tape, bubblegum, or bull semen. So, I guess my solution of pounding it until it stuck is viable.

***

Today at work we are taking a team photo. We're supposed to dress nicely. I completely forgot, and wore my regular Friday outfit, which is jeans and KISS long-sleeve tee. Opps. So I had to make a run to Target and buy a whole new outfit. I think the pants I bought may be a tad too tight, but they make my ass look fantastic.


But not this fantastic!
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