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Leap year, shmeep year

2/29/2008 12:00:00 AM

Leap Year day!

Ha, and my website sucks so much, it doesn't even know that. Way to go, "software developer".

So, this rant will never appear on the front page, it seems. Unless I do some finagling.

The worst thing about Leap Year Day, is that every four years, I have to read about people whose birthday is today. Like it's some exta-fucking-ordinary feat to be born on 2/29. Ya know, because babies choose that shit. Who cares???? Yay, you were born on the 60th day of the year. Big whoop. And they think it's just soooooooo cutesy to say "tee hee, I'm only 15! Tee hee" No, fuckface, you're 60.

In other news, here is a list of great humans who were born on a much more significant day, December 29. Seriously, where would the world be without Pimp C? Well, right here, I guess, he died last year.


1709 - Empress Elizabeth of Russia (d. 1762)
1721 - Madame de Pompadour, mistress of King Louis XV of France (d. 1764)
1796 - Johann Christian Poggendorff, German physicist (d. 1877)
1800 - Charles Goodyear, American inventor (d. 1860)
1806 - William Gladstone, Liberal Prime Minister
1808 - Andrew Johnson, 17th President of the United States (d. 1875)
1809 - William Ewart Gladstone, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (d. 1898)
1816 - Carl Ludwig, German physician (d. 1895)
1843 - Elisabeth of Wied (pen name was Carmen Sylva), queen of Romania and writer (d. 1916)
1856 - Thomas Joannes Stieltjes, Dutch mathematician (d. 1894)
1859 - Venustiano Carranza, 54th President of Mexico (d. 1920)
1876 - Pablo Casals, Catalan musician (d. 1973)
1881 - Jess Willard, American boxer (d. 1968)
1896 - David Alfaro Siqueiros, Mexican painter (d. 1974)
1899 - Nie Rongzhen, People's Liberation Army Chief of General Staff (d. 1992)
1902 - Nels Stewart, National Hockey League player (d. 1957)
1908 - Helmut Gollwitzer, German theologian (d. 1993)
1910 - Ronald Coase, British economist, Nobel Prize laureate
1914 - Billy Tipton, American musician (d. 1989)
1914 - Albert Tucker, Australian artist (d. 1999)
1915 - Bill Osmanski, American football player (d. 1996)
1917 - Tom Bradley, American politician (d. 1998)
1917 - Ramanand Sagar, Indian film director (d. 2005)
1920 - Viveca Lindfors, Swedish-American actress (d. 1995)
1922 - William Gaddis, American writer (d. 1998)
1925 - Pete Dye, American golf course architect
1927 - Andy Stanfield, American athlete (d. 1985)
1928 - Bernard Cribbins, British actor
1931 - Prince Gu of Korea, Korean royalty (d. 2005)
1932 - Inga Swenson, American actress
1934 - Ed Flanders, American actor (d. 1995)
1936 - Mary Tyler Moore, American actress
1936 - Ray Nitschke, American football player (d. 1998)
1937 - Wayne Huizenga, American football team owner
1937 - Barbara Steele, British actress
1938 - Harvey Smith, English showjumper
1938 - Jon Voight, American actor
1941 - Ray Thomas, British musician (The Moody Blues)
1942 - Rick Danko, Canadian musician (The Band) (d. 1999)
1942 - Rajesh Khanna, Indian actor
1946 - Marianne Faithfull, British singer
1947 - Ted Danson, American actor
1947 - Cozy Powell, English rock drummer (d. 1998)
1947 - Vincent Winter, British actor (d. 1998)
1949 - Syed Kirmani, Indian cricket player
1950 - Jon Polito, American actor
1951 - Yvonne Elliman, American disco singer
1951 - Georges Thurston, Canadian singer (d. 2007)
1952 - Gelsey Kirkland, American dancer
1953 - Stanley Tookie Williams, American author/murderer (executed 2005)
1953 - Gali Atari, Israeli singer and actress
1954 - Roger Voudouris, American singer
1954 - Prince Takamado of Japan (d. 2002)
1956 - Fred MacAulay, Scottish comedian
1957 - Brad Grey, American film producer
1957 - Paul Rudnick, American screenwriter/playwright
1958 - Nancy J. Currie, American astronaut
1959 - Patricia Clarkson, American actress
1959 - Paula Poundstone, American comedian
1960 - David Boon, Australian Cricketer
1960 - Katerina Didaskou, Greek actress
1960 - Thomas Lubanga, founder and leader of Union of Congolese Patriots
1961 - Kevin Granata, American associate professor at Virginia Tech, victim of the Virginia Tech massacre (d. 2007)
1961 - Jim Reid, Scottish singer (The Jesus and Mary Chain, Freeheat)
1962 - Blake Mitchell, American adult actress
1962 - Devon White, Jamaican baseball player
1963 - Francisco Bustamante, Filipino billiard player
1963 - Dave McKean, British artist and filmmaker
1963 - Sean Payton, American football coach
1965 - Dexter Holland, American musician (The Offspring)
1966 - Stefano Eranio, Italian footballer
1967 - Ashleigh Banfield, Canadian journalist
1967 - Chris Barnes, American singer
1967 - Andy Wachowski, American director
1969 - Jennifer Ehle, American actress
1969 - Allan McNish, Scottish race car driver
1970 - Aled Jones, Welsh singer
1970 - Hidetoshi Mitsusada, Japanese racing driver
1970 - Glen Phillips, American musician (Toad The Wet Sprocket)
1970 - Kevin Weisman, American actor
1972 - Asheru, American rapper
1972 - Jason Kreis, American soccer player
1972 - Jude Law, British actor
1972 - Evan Seinfeld, American musician (Biohazard) and actor
1973 - Pimp C, American rapper (d. 2007)
1973 - Theo Epstein, American baseball general manager
1974 - Mekhi Phifer, American actor
1974 - Richie Sexson, American baseball player
1975 - Jaret Wright, American baseball player
1976 - Danny R. McBride, American actor, writer, and producer
1976 - Katherine Moennig, American actress
1977 - Jimmy Journell, American baseball player
1978 - Alexis Amore, Peruvian pornographic actress
1978 - Kieron Dyer, English footballer
1978 - LaToya London, American singer
1979 - Diego Luna, Mexican actor
1981 - Shizuka Arakawa, Japanese figure skater
1982 - Gabrielle Destroismaisons, Quebec singer
1983 - Jessica Andrews, American country/pop singer
1986 - Kim Ok-bin, South Korean actress and model
1989 - Nathan Forbes, British footballer
1994 - Princess Kako of Akishino of Japan

Girls love sex

2/27/2008 12:00:00 AM

This is great

Best line:
"You don't have to bend her over one knee and tell her she's a naughty girl and that Daddy's going to punish her; save that for the fifth date."

Mercury rising

2/26/2008 12:00:00 AM

So, apparently, those new "SAVE THE EARTH!!!" light bulbs are BAD FOR YOU. If they break, they can release toxic levels of mercury. Great. But, they will save me almost ONE DOLLAR on my electric bill per year!!! I like how the article states that the benefits outweigh the risk, which is true. Who cares if my kid has mental disorders, as long as I have that extra dollar! I can buy a carbon credit with it!

From now on, I'm boycotting all things "green"... plus WHY do they call it GREEN??? have you seen earth from space? It's 90% BLUE and BROWN. It's only called "green" because it's a scam that's making a lot of hippies very rich.

Hair

2/25/2008 12:00:00 AM

Roar. I was shaving in the shower, and lo and behold, the hot water goes out. I guess I spent way too much time cleaning my junk... but grrr. So now I have half a smooth face, and half a rough face. The best of both worlds I guess. So who knows. Either I'll grow a half-beard, or maybe a goatee. Or I can just wait until the hot water comes back... but then I'll just waste my time on my junk again. My junk my junk my junk.

HD-SuckMyBalls

2/19/2008 12:00:00 AM

HD-DVD is dead
And the world yawns. Well, I yawned, but that's because I don't sleep well. The point is nobody, at least now, gives a flying banana-fuck about HD movies. I spent the last 10 years building up a fine DVD collection, now I have to replace it all?? Didn't I already get scammed on this with CDs?? or VHS-to-DVD? This is why physical media sucks. I swear it's all a conspiracy by the cabinet-making industry. The more formats out there, the more storage shelves they get to make and sell. Meanwhile, if everything was digital - you could theoretically auto-upgrade your movies, as well as having no storage space required at all.

****

Two things I learned this morning:

1.) Raisin Bread makes me poop. I had it for breakfast and barely made it to work before I had to make chocolate. What a strange fruit, that raisin.

2.) Tea makes me pee. Tea must be like the great cleanser, since one 16oz. cup has made me pee about three times.

Live!

2/18/2008 12:00:00 AM

I'm adding this to the page - ME! Live! Well, my apartment.

VD08

2/14/2008 12:00:00 AM

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. I love you all. Except you, Roy.

Here's a love poem I wrote 10 years ago. Well, it's actually alternate lyrics to "Manic Depression" by Jimi Hendrix. Feel the love. Feel it.


Anal Buttsexin’
Anal Buttsexin’s touching my hole,
I know what I want
but I just don’t know how to go about getting it

Feeling, butt feeling,
drops from my wiener, wieners,
Anal Buttsexin’ raptured my hole

A man so willing with his big love vein
you make love,
you break love,
I uh almost came when it’s
it’s his boner

Do it please do it
I wish I could caress caress caress
Anal Buttsexin’s a brown poopy mess,
Well, I think I’ll turn myself on an’ go on down

Really ain’t no use me banging you brown,
Oh, I gotta pork you



Music is my boyfriend

2/7/2008 12:00:00 AM

Have you ever felt like you're neglecting parts of your music library? Sometimes I'll take a Prince CD in the car with me because I haven't listened to it for awhile, and I feel guilty for ignoring it or something. Or like, there's that one song on the CD you always skip over (I'm talking to you, Radiohead's "Dollars & Cents"!)... well, I go through this alot. Today I tried made a playlist of Radiohead songs that I feel I haven't given enough attention.

Currently the list is:
Airbag
In Limbo
Videotape
Sit Down Stand Up
I Will
Scatterbrain
Dollars & Cents
Sulk
Bones

And then I listen to it, and realize "Jeebus, these are all magnificent. I think Sulk may be one of my new favorite Radiohead songs.

Mardi On

2/5/2008 12:00:00 AM

Happy Mardi Gras, everyone! Polly, show me your boobs.

You know what I never understood? People praying to St. Anthony when they lose something. I don't get it. Reading about his life, I found nothing that leads me to believe he knows/cares where the fuck my wallet is. PLUS - if he has the ability to help me find things, why is he being such a dick and only helping out when I ask?? Why not just always grant EVERYONE the ability to find things?? And since only followers of Cathol believe in Saints, are Muslims and Jews screwed when they lose something? I guess that explains where the Ark of the Covenant went. I looked this up on Yahoo Answers, and was surprised by this response:

Only Catholics and those involved in false religions cooperate with the devil like that.
People who worship and respect the Lord would never bypass Him to pray TO any saint, especially a dead one. We pray FOR the saints that are alive.
When are you catholics going to realize that the devil is behind what you are doing so he can keep you praying to dead saints and the demonic activity is enough to keep you deceived by giving you want you want. Your grandmother like many other catholics are actually connecting with demons and don't even know it. Do you really think it pleases and honors the Lord when you do these things?


So apparently, praying to a saint is actually praying to a demon. Well, I did always think that Mother Theresa looked a tad evil.

Plus - what that responder doesn't realize is that most people don't care if they're praying to demons - if that demon knows where my f'ing car keys are, so be it!

I bet the whole belief in St. Anthony's sleuthing was made up by his rival Saint, St. Ted. You know in Heaven, everytime Anthony gets called out, Ted's in the corner laughing. I bet Ted gets hit in the balls alot, too.

More ass than a toilet seat

2/4/2008 12:00:00 AM

Statistical Representation of Rap Songs
I don't even know half of the songs, but some are pretty funny.
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